Not a Good Day

I was starting to think everything was going too well.  After the big day Graham had yesterday, I knew he would feel bad, but not this bad.  He was unable to get good sleep last night and by the morning, he asked to be moved to the chair so he could sit up.  Every part of his body ached and his chest tubes were causing a lot of pain. He tried some pain killers, but it didn't even touch the tip of the iceberg (he did not get that pretty little morphine button).  He got to eat some breakfast, but soon found out his throat was rubbed raw from the Ventilator and could eat eggs and potatoes but nothing else, grits even hurt too bad.  He also need to work on coughing up all the junk from his lungs (old blood and fluids from the surgery).  Not only did it hurt like $#&&, it was hard for him to figure it out.  To be able to remove old lungs, nerves need to be cut to get to them, and it just so happens, the nerves that tell us to cough, Graham no longer has.  So he has to train him self to cough every 15 - 20 minutes just in case something is there.  Well, something is there and he can feel it, he just can't figure out how to get it out.  He did so good at trying, but it just never seemed to get out.  This frustrated him so bad.
Noon time, things started to look up.  For lunch I was able to go to the Hospital Atrium (cafeteria) and got him some soup and banana pudding, he could eat this and was even able to get a few good coughs out.  And in no time, coughed stuff up.  Won't even describe it, it was gross, but felt ohhhh sooo good!  He had been sitting up for about 6 hours and was starting to get tired.  He tried to take a cat nap, but again, could not get comfortable.  Physical Therapy came by and had him do some leg exercise, but nothing else - like walking.  By 5 o'clock, he'd been sitting up for 10 hours and was EXHAUSTED.  He got his dressings changed, clean bed, and a nice shot of well deserved morphine.  I felt I was leaving him comfortable and felt ok to go home and see our little girl.  I was a little anxious, but felt he ended the day well enough.
It was so good seeing Jordan.  I never ONCE felt guilty for being gone, her babysitter Krista took such good care of her.  I don't think I'll ever be able to thank her enough!  I had enough time to play with her and then off to bed. 
I called Graham before I crashed for the night, and it appears things went south since I left.  He is out right miserable.  He feels guilty for relying on people.  He can't feed himself, he has to ask to have the channel changed, he hates to ask to be moved and the cherry on top...Dr. Roseblatt was a little riffed that he did not walk today.  COMPLETELY PT's fault!  I was there when she said no walking when Graham was clearly OK with doing it.  So, as I type, my poor husband is sitting in his chair, uncomfortable, feeling guilty and miserable, waiting for PT to come by and walk him.  When all he wants to to is go to sleep and have today over.  Think I'll be back all day again tomorrow (I had only planned the evening), because I do not feel comfortable leaving him like this!