Out of Words

I love to write, and it usually comes easily for me, but it appears that I have no motivation to write; but I know I need to.  The summer started off great; Graham kept Jordan for a few days, we went to the Lake with our friends and made a trip down to Padre Island with more friends.  And just as I was about to go out of town for a few days, Graham became sick...
Wednesday Night he began to run a fever.  At 3AM he woke me up, the bed shaking from his shivers.  He needed Tylenol and his thermometer.  He wasn't running a fever anymore, so he just took his pills, put on more clothes and attempted to fall back asleep.  Thirty minutes later I was awoken by him running to the bathroom where he began vomiting like crazy.  He retook his temp and it had exceeded 100 degrees.  Something was wrong. 
Thursday: I left for San Antonio with a heavy mind and heart.  Graham packed up Jordan and himself and headed to the hospital where his Mom met him.  Tests all came back negative, they had no clue what was going on.  Graham could not eat.
Friday: signs of pneumonia were popping up and tests were all still negative.  They scheduled a bronchoscope for 3PM.  They found a lot of gunk, but nothing too out of the ordinary.  Fever free but still not eating.
Saturday:  the "gunk" hadn't grown anything and the predicted he had pneumonia.  Still not eating.  But I finally got back in town and with Jordan still situated at his Mom's house, I got to spend the night.  I felt better being able to see him.
Sunday: No change, little food.
Monday: Seemed to start looking up.  Jordan and I spent the day with him.  "Gunk" or cultures began growing MRSA (staff). So they started another antibiotic.
Tuesday: No change.
Wednesday: Fluid found around left lung in daily X-Ray which ='s longer stay.  But answers the question of why he feels so tight and could be why he has a cough like he still has his old lungs.
Thursday: No change.
I miss him.  I thought this was over.  I hate this.
They say they really can't be for sure of what is going on with out a Biopsy on his lungs.  They can't biopsy his lungs because of his Cumiden, and they aren't stopping that.  So until there are answers, I have no words.

SUMMER'S HERE!!!!

It's funny how things have changed in the past year. I have been looking forward to this summer for quite sometime, the reasons behind it have changed though.  I love my job, I love the kids, the challenge, the non-monotony of it...BUT, I also LOVE my summers.  I love sitting around catching up on Regis and Kelly, organizing closets, sleeping in, hanging out with Jordan, de-cluttering anything in the house that is cluttered, and just relaxing.  Last summer, this did not happen.  I held my breath most of the summer wondering, "Is he going to make it?"  "Is this the trip he'll actually get transplanted?"  "Why won't he eat?"  "When will he get out of bed?"  "Wow, he's in a great mood!"  And in my heart of hearts, I knew he would be transplanted and healthy by this summer.  To me, there was no other option.  I can't really make it without him, so I didn't think otherwise.  So last year, I was looking forward to having a summer with Graham back at work, me back to my lazy organizing self with my sidekick J by my side.
But now, my opinion has changed.  Now Graham is not only healthy, BUT in a great mood! (His friends use to refer to him as "Grumpy Graham" but, come on, when you are struggling to breath and make it day to day, you tend to be a little grumpy).  So this summer, I'm jam packing it full of things to do with my little family I never imagined I'd get to do without weeks of rest in between.
We have beach trips, lake trips, family trips, friend trips, date nights, daughter nights, and even more that I have no idea even exist yet.  I'm soaking it all in.  I'll probably go back to work in August more tired than I am now that I just finished up an exhausting school year; but I know I'll cherish every moment together with him...and it'll be all worth it!